Bob Monkhouse was a master of wit, charm, and sharp humor. His quotes still make people laugh and think decades later. Whether about life, love, or comedy itself, his words pack a punch. Here’s a collection of his best quotes—funny, insightful, and sometimes brutally honest.
The Art of Comedy According to Bob Monkhouse
Bob knew comedy inside out. His observations about humor were as clever as his jokes.
🔹 “Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”
🔹 “The difference between comedy and tragedy? Timing.”
🔹 “A joke is like a frog. Dissect it, and it dies.”
Ever tried explaining why a joke is funny? Bob nailed it—some things are better left unsaid.
Life Lessons with a Punchline
Bob didn’t just tell jokes. He wrapped life’s truths in humor.
🔹 “People say laughter is the best medicine. I say it’s cheaper than aspirin.”
🔹 “You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.”
🔹 “If you can fake sincerity, you’ve got it made.”
His take on aging and honesty? Spot on.
Love and Relationships, Monkhouse Style
Even romance wasn’t safe from his sharp wit.
🔹 “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.”
🔹 “The secret of a happy marriage? Separate bathrooms.”
🔹 “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
Brutal? Maybe. True? Absolutely.
The Darker Side of Humor
Bob wasn’t afraid to tackle tough topics with a joke.
🔹 “I want to die like my father—peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.”
🔹 “They say dying is easy. Comedy is hard. I’ve done both—comedy’s harder.”
🔹 “I’ve had plastic surgery. Now I’ve got a face like a melted welly boot.”
Dark humor done right makes you laugh—then think.
Wisdom for Aspiring Comedians
Bob’s advice for new comics? Pure gold.
🔹 “The best jokes come from truth. If you can’t laugh at yourself, make fun of others.”
🔹 “Timing isn’t everything—it’s the only thing.”
🔹 “A comedian is someone who tells the truth but leaves out the boring bits.”
Want to be funny? Listen to Bob.
Observations on Society
His takes on people and culture were razor-sharp.
🔹 “Television is called a medium because it’s neither rare nor well done.”
🔹 “The problem with political jokes? They keep getting elected.”
🔹 “We’re all born naked. The rest is drag.”
Why do his jokes still feel relevant? Because human nature doesn’t change.
Classic One-Liners
Bob’s quick wit made him a legend.
🔹 “I’ve got a mind like a steel trap—rusty and illegal in 12 states.”
🔹 “I’m so old, my blood type was discontinued.”
🔹 “I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.”
Short, snappy, and impossible to forget.
Final Thoughts
Bob Monkhouse’s humor was smart, timeless, and often fearless. His quotes make us laugh while sneaking in hard truths. Whether you’re a comedy fan or just need a good chuckle, his words deliver.
Which quote hit home for you? Share it and keep the laughter going. 😊